Everyone loves vacation, right? Not me. Here is why travel stresses me out, annoys me, makes no sense and also wrecks the planet while we are at it.<\/p>\n
I am not clueless.<\/p>\n
I have been to the United States. Ukraine. Egypt. Belgium. Hungary. Switzerland. Germany. England. Spain. Don’t forget France and a few other countries I forgot to mention. So no, this is not coming from someone who’s never left home. I have traveled. And at best, I found it tolerable. Most of the time? Just exhausting, and just Why?! Why?!<\/p>\n
It all starts with the planning.<\/p>\n
Laptops out. Everyone has an opinion.
\nToo far? Too hot? Too many tourists?
\nSpain this time? Egypt again? Italy? Oh Hawaii!
\nDarn, Have you seen those prices?
\nAll-inclusive or not? Three stars or four?
\nHow far from the beach? How many swimming pools?
\nHow are the reviews? Damn, that guy got green spots on his arms from the pool?
\nDo we want something with culture nearby?<\/p>\n
It feels less like planning a holiday and more like a hostile business meeting.<\/p>\n
What do we need to bring?
\nWill that fourth pair of slippers fit?
\nCan this go in your suitcase?
\nAre we over the weight limit?
\nAnd when driving: real-life Tetris.
\nPut that bag under the cooler, but rotate the suitcase. Where is the umbrella?!
\nEverything almost fits. Tempers flare. Vacation has not even started.<\/p>\n
Am I on time?
\nHow long is the line at security?
\nHave you seen those horror stories on the news?!
\nAre they on strike again?
\nIs the flight delayed?
\nWhy do the liquid rules still feel like they are from 2006?<\/p>\n
Oh great! customs again.
\nShoes off. Belt off.
\nThirty seconds later you are holding your pants for dear life,
\npraying no one gets a glimpse of your Tazmanian devil boxers. \ud83d\ude1b
\nAnd because I’m already worked up, stressed, flustered and just trying to hold it together…
\nGuess who gets picked out of the line for an extra check?<\/p>\n
And did I mention that guy who had the tiniest amount of marihuana (hey, if your trip starts in Amsterdam, that’s not unheard of) under his shoes, accidentally went to the wrong country, and ended up doing a few years in prison?<\/p>\n
YAY, vacation!<\/strong><\/p>\n And not to mention: where the hell do you park the car? Arriving at your destination? Not even close.<\/p>\n Passport control. Long queues. And the cherry on top?<\/p>\n Towards Ukraine: A small airplane held together by ducttape. I kid you not. And weird harmonics going through the plane constantly<\/p>\n Ukraine again: pilot refused to fly back. Yep. Not enough passengers. Schiphol: lost luggage. ( not my story ) Long roadtrips are better right?!<\/p>\n Road trip? Sure. And then you finally get home. Also: And then that colleague.<\/p>\n Who looked at me like I said I enjoy dental surgery. Here is the truth:<\/p>\n I don’t need a tropical beach to recharge.<\/p>\n Give me:<\/p>\n AND A PURPOSE TO GO SOMEWHERE!<\/p>\n That’s my vacation. LA PLAYA HOME SWEET HOME<\/p>\n Skip the stress, the chaos, the sweaty suitcase juggling, the overpriced parking, the social expectations, and the pretending-you’re-having-fun-even-though-your-flight-was-cancelled.<\/p>\n And if we do go away: That’s it. That’s the dream. Because honestly? And don’t even get me started on the fake perfection of social media. If your holiday is so amazing, why are you spending half of it choosing the right filter?<\/p>\n We all know the planet is heating up. And what do airplanes emit in massive quantities? So why are we still acting like flying abroad for fun is normal? At some point, we have to ask: I don’t think it is. Rant done!\u00a0Brain out<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Everyone loves vacation, right? Not me. Here’s why travel stresses me out, annoys me, makes no sense and also wrecks the planet while we’re at it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":215,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6,124],"tags":[125,131,129,127,130,126,128,51,132,133],"class_list":["post-214","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-random","category-rant","tag-anti-travel","tag-autistic-perspective","tag-brain-blog","tag-climate","tag-dry-humor","tag-overstimulation","tag-peace-and-quiet","tag-rant","tag-staycation","tag-travel"],"yoast_head":"\n
\nJust leaving your blik ( tin can )\u00a0 (Dutch for ‘car’) at the airport for a few days now costs more than a flight.
\nWhat a lovely start to your relaxing getaway.<\/p>\nArrived?<\/h2>\n
\nScammers at the taxi stand.
\nOverbooked hotel.
\nShoved into a van to some ‘alternative’ resort.
\nTwo hours at reception.
\nRoom with a jet-engine air-conditioning that makes more noise than a fighter jet.
\nRoom change! More waiting at the reception desk…
\nAnd people say, ‘You just need to acclimate.’
\nAcclimate?! I’m just trying to survive the first three days.<\/p>\nThe cherries!<\/h2>\n
\nIt seems that all the color drained from my face…
\n400 km by minibus.
\nMissed connecting flight.
\nHad to re book everything at my own expense.
\nWhat fun.<\/p>\n
\nFive hours waiting. Nothing.
\nHad to come back the next day.<\/p>\nRoadtrip!<\/h2>\n
\nTrailer broke down, something with broken bearings.
\nCar engine failure. Two days stuck on the Autobahn near Karlsruhe.
\nExploded water pump. 35 degrees. Sunday. No mechanics.
\nBroken car exhaust in Switserland. Our car sounded like a Ferrari in all those tunnels.
\nTwo flat tires after hitting a granite curb in Germany. Grounded for a few hours.
\nMagical memories.<\/p>\nHome sweet home!<\/h2>\n
\nYour body is tired. Your brain is fried. Your inbox has 482 unread emails.
\nAnd your luggage?
\nNeeds to be unpacked, washed, sorted, and decontaminated.
\nBecause, surprise! There is a scorpion inside.<\/p>\n
\nThe tent is soaked from two days of tropical rain and is now full of mold
\nThere is 10kg of sand everywhere.
\nYou find sea shells in your socks.
\nYour shampoo exploded and is now everywhere!
\nAnd your passport smells like grilled fish.<\/p>\nThat collegue<\/h2>\n
\n“But why don’t you want to go abroad, everyone does it and enjoys it! ”
\n-Because I simply don not. Is that so hard to grasp?<\/p>\n\n
Getaway<\/h2>\n
\nLet me just pack one bag.
\nHop in the car with my wife and, optional, my son.
\nAnd drive to somewhere near for a few days of spa and silence with just the two (or three) of us.<\/p>\n
\nThat’s my vacation.<\/p>\n
\nVacation abroad has no purpose.
\nAt least not for me.<\/p>\nSocial media<\/h2>\n
\nThe endless stream of “Look at me being effortlessly happy in paradise” posts.
\nSunsets, cocktails, poolside legs.
\nIt’s curated. It’s filtered. It’s fake.<\/p>\nAnd on a serious note…<\/h2>\n
\nCO2 emissions are climbing. The climate is changing.<\/p>\n
\nThat’s right – CO2.<\/p>\n
\nWhy are we burning jet fuel for poolside selfies and all-you-can-eat buffets,
\nwhen we know it’s harming the very world we live in?<\/p>\n
\nIs it worth it?<\/p>\n
\nNot for the planet.
\nNot for my nerves.
\nAnd definitely not for my Tazmanian devil boxers.<\/p>\n