{"id":272,"date":"2025-05-09T21:24:26","date_gmt":"2025-05-09T19:24:26","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.familie-kleinman.nl\/brain\/?p=272"},"modified":"2025-05-09T21:24:26","modified_gmt":"2025-05-09T19:24:26","slug":"the-day-my-brain-resigned-from-volunteering","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.familie-kleinman.nl\/brain\/index.php\/2025\/05\/09\/the-day-my-brain-resigned-from-volunteering\/","title":{"rendered":"The Day My Brain Resigned from Volunteering"},"content":{"rendered":"\r\n
\r\n

\u201cVolunteering should give you energy, not drain your battery\u201d<\/em><\/p>\r\n<\/blockquote>\r\n

Volunteering is supposed to be good for the soul. Build community. Give meaning. Do things together with a common goal. You know \u2014 that whole \u201cdo good, feel good\u201d thing. And you know, volunteering should give you energy, not drain your battery. Sounds plausible, right?<\/p>\r\n

Hmm. \u201cVolunteering should give you energy, not drain your battery\u201d<\/em> \u2014 that is a brilliant quote to print on a T-shirt or a large coffee mug!<\/p>\r\n

Turns out, it only works if the system you’re volunteering for isn\u2019t slowly trying to overwrite your boundaries, recompile your marriage, and gaslight your sense of logic into a fatal exception.<\/p>\r\n

So today, Bob \u2014 my internal CEO \u2014 and I walked into the control room \u2014 and decided to quit. No fanfare. No meltdown. Just a simple memo: “Unworkable. I\u2019m out.”.<\/p>\r\n

This decision also feels like the perfect opportunity to introduce a few key staff members from my Brain Factory\u2122 \u2014 the internal metaphor I use to make sense of, well… everything?<\/p>\r\n

Bob<\/h2>\r\n

I already mentioned my CEO, Bob. Just Bob. No last name. Just… Bob.<\/p>\r\n

Bob has been my trustworthy CEO since forever. He\u2019s a logical guy \u2014 studied IT, did one elective course in management, and boom: That made him CEO of the factory. He doesn\u2019t do emotions. He does spreadsheets, risk assessments, and recursive logic.<\/p>\r\n

Shareholder, me<\/h3>\r\n

There\u2019s only one shareholder in my company \u2014 one share, one vote \u2014 and that\u2019s me. Just me. I\u2019m the sole owner, the entire board, and technically, I have full control.<\/p>\r\n

Technically.<\/p>\r\n

Because let\u2019s be honest\u2026 my influence is limited<\/em>. I can call for a meeting, sure \u2014 but implementation? That\u2019s a bureaucratic nightmare involving legal grey zones, interdepartmental resistance, and Bob claiming he\u2019s totally on board with the changes<\/em>, while quietly doing\u2026 nothing. hehe<\/p>\r\n

And that\u2019s not even accounting for the small-scale rebellions inside the departments whenever I ask for an update.<\/p>\r\n

Ever tried changing a factory from the inside while it’s still running?<\/p>\r\n

Yeah. That. \ud83d\ude1b<\/p>\r\n

Jill<\/h2>\r\n

She joined the team \u2014 or well, was somehow teleported<\/em> into my factory \u2014 after my first real Kernel panic. I got punished, everything crashed, and right after that\u2026 this weird thing happened. The phone rings in Bob\u2019s office \u2014 it\u2019s an internal number he doesn\u2019t recognize. Bob answers: \u201cWho\u2019s this?\u201d A female voice replies: \u201cThis is Jill. I got a message from The Kernel that I had to call you.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\r\n

Bob frowns. \u201cBut\u2026 which department do you work for?\u201d Jill answers truthfully: \u201cI don\u2019t know.\u201d\u00a0<\/em>There\u2019s a short pause. Then Jill says, \u201cWait. I see someone walking away from the door\u2026 maybe they left something.\u201d <\/em>She walks to the door, opens it \u2014 and sees that someone has plastered a fresh A4 sheet on it with duct tape. It reads:<\/p>\r\n

“Introspection Department.”<\/strong><\/p>\r\n

Jill reads the paper, walks back to the phone. \u201cBob? It seems I\u2019m from the Introspection Department???\u201d <\/em>Bob asks, \u201cDo you have any idea what just happened?\u201d <\/em>Jill hesitates. \u201cEh\u2026 I don\u2019t even know what I\u2019m supposed to be doing here! Up until five minutes ago I was home in my apartment, then I felt an earthquake \u2014 and all of a sudden I\u2019m here!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\r\n

Jill is the exact opposite of Bob. She does<\/em> emotions. She does<\/em> introspection. She asks difficult questions, sends unsolicited internal reports at 3AM, and quietly balances out Bob\u2019s cold, recursive logic. He hates that. But deep down, even Bob knows: without Jill, the factory would collapse.<\/p>\r\n

Ajay<\/h2>\r\n

Ajay runs the Battery Department on floor -1. He\u2019s been there since day one, managing the most important \u2014 and most confusing \u2014 subsystem in the entire Brain Factory\u2122: Energy.<\/strong><\/p>\r\n

Each morning, the battery is charged. That energy fuels everything \u2014 thinking, reacting, masking, functioning. And when it runs out? The whole system grinds to a halt. The control room of the Battery Department is a bizarre mix of modern tech and total mystery.<\/p>\r\n

There are blinking lights no one understands.<\/p>\r\n

A giant analog meter with no numbers, just a needle that dances like it’s possessed.<\/p>\r\n

Post-it notes everywhere: \u201cDon\u2019t flip unless red light flashes twice\u201d<\/em> and \u201cAsk Bob before touching this (he won\u2019t know either).\u201d<\/em><\/p>\r\n

Behind a keycard-locked door \u2014 off-limits even to Roger \u2014 sits the actual battery. A black box, both literally and figuratively. Ajay\u2019s written motto on the whiteboard sums it up:<\/p>\r\n

\/\/ TODO: Understand the damn battery.<\/strong><\/p>\r\n

After years of guessing, Two maintenance guys ( I’ll introduce them later ) installed a power flow monitor. Now Ajay can measure energy going in and out \u2014 but that didn\u2019t make things clearer. Some meetings drain the battery. Others recharge it. Sometimes the same meeting<\/em> does both.<\/p>\r\n

Ajay tracks it all via the Departmental Energy Drain Matrix\u2122<\/strong> \u2014 a screen that glitches whenever Creativity and Emotions run at the same time. Above the door: a glowing red DANGER<\/strong> lamp that activates when output exceeds input for more than X minutes. And X differs every day.<\/p>\r\n

Yep.<\/p>\r\n

And then there\u2019s the big button. The one under the safety cap. The one that says: “Press in case of emergency.”
<\/strong><\/p>\r\n

No one really knows what it does. But Ajay does. He\u2019s the only one who knows when<\/em> to press it. And when he does\u2026<\/p>\r\n

The whole factory goes dark.<\/strong><\/p>\r\n

Everything offline.<\/p>\r\n

Except the Kernel.<\/p>\r\n

Roger<\/h2>\r\n

Yeah, and this is a blatant copy from one of the best adventure games ever. Meet my janitor: Roger.
<\/strong><\/p>\r\n

Roger Wilco.<\/strong><\/p>\r\n

Need I say more?<\/p>\r\n

Roger leads the cleaning crew \u2014 or as I like to call them, The Department of Intentional Unintentional Sabotage<\/strong>. He is \u2014 and I say this with love \u2014 an overly enthusiastic janitor who believes in order above all else.
<\/em><\/p>\r\n

His motto?<\/p>\r\n

\r\n

\u201cIf it\u2019s not nailed down, clean it up.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\r\n<\/blockquote>\r\n

He wears a jumpsuit, carries way too many keys, and unplugs things he doesn\u2019t understand \u201cjust to be sure.\u201d The fact that he missed the memo about the abolished clean desk policy? That tracks.<\/p>\r\n

And of course, he still carries his Vaporizer<\/em> from SQ3, when he used to clean dumpsters inside the ScumSoft megacorp.<\/p>\r\n

Also: yes. This is a blatant reference to the Space Quest series. <\/strong>And I will not apologize for that.<\/p>\r\n

Roger (Wilco) means well. But every time I\u2019m on the verge of writing something meaningful, he mistakes it for \u201ctrash left behind during dream cleanup\u201d<\/em> and starts wiping the mental whiteboards.<\/p>\r\n

Roger is responsible for quite a bit of chaos in my factory. He bumps into whiteboards, drops post-its on the floor, and replasters them on the wrong board \u2014 upside down, or occasionally dropping them into \/dev\/null. He unplugs charging cables mid-task, reboots machines that weren\u2019t broken, and mutters things like \u201chmm, probably fine.\u201d
<\/em><\/p>\r\n

And yet\u2026<\/p>\r\n

Because of his intentional unintentional chaos<\/strong>, I sometimes come up with the craziest \u2014 and brightest \u2014 ideas.<\/p>\r\n

Pattern-breaks. Miswired connections. Lateral logic. Roger is not the architect of insight.<\/p>\r\n

But he\u2019s definitely the janitor that knocks over the box the insight was hiding in.<\/p>\r\n

And yes \u2014 I keep him on as a staff member.<\/p>\r\n

Why?<\/p>\r\n

Nostalgia. Insight. Loyalty. Chaos. Pick one.
<\/strong><\/p>\r\n

Back on topic<\/h2>\r\n
\r\n

\u201cVolunteering should give you energy, not drain your battery\u201d<\/em><\/p>\r\n<\/blockquote>\r\n

Ajay agrees. Volunteering should give energy \u2014 not suck the life out of your reserves until your internal systems start blinking red.<\/p>\r\n

Today, something happened that pushed me over the edge. It was the classic straw that broke the camel\u2019s back<\/strong> \u2014 the final drop, the last tick in the wrong direction on Ajay\u2019s big dial.<\/p>\r\n

Coming to this conclusion had a long warming-up period. It started almost exactly a year ago. At first, I didn\u2019t really notice the changes. But Ajay did. Every time the specific topic was brought up, Ajay noticed a drop in the SoC \u2014 the State of Charge \u2014 of the battery.\u00a0<\/p>\r\n

Not dramatic. Just\u2026 enough. Like a slow leak you only recognize once the gauge hits the red for no apparent reason.<\/p>\r\n

It can best be compared to an underground fire.<\/p>\r\n

Like peat.<\/p>\r\n

When you think it\u2019s been extinguished, it just smolders quietly underground \u2014 out of sight, out of reach \u2014 until it flares up somewhere else.Same heat, different spot. That\u2019s what this was. Every time I thought \u201cit\u2019s fine now\u201d<\/em>, something small would ignite again.<\/p>\r\n

A message. A subtle remark. An awkward silence.<\/p>\r\n

And Ajay would log another drop in battery levels.<\/p>\r\n

Jill would write a quiet \u201cthis feels familiar\u201d<\/em> memo.<\/p>\r\n

In March, there was a big flare-up after a meeting \u2014 the first real spike that even Bob couldn\u2019t ignore. Ajay logged a massive discharge event.<\/p>\r\n

Jill wrote her first formal memo about the situation. It started with one simple line:<\/p>\r\n

\r\n

\u201cI don\u2019t think we are appreciated or seen as full and respected members.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\r\n<\/blockquote>\r\n

That was also the first memo that actually ended up on Bob\u2019s desk.<\/p>\r\n

After that, the fire went underground again. No big incidents. Just the usual smoldering. I kept showing up. Kept helping. Kept pretending it was fine \u2014 because that\u2019s what you do, right?<\/p>\r\n

But last Monday, things really escalated. What used to be a slow, hidden burn was suddenly promoted to a full-blown forest fire<\/strong>.<\/p>\r\n

I won\u2019t go into the details, but let\u2019s just say things got ugly \u2014 fast. And worse: it became personal. It wasn\u2019t just about the role anymore. It was about me<\/em>.<\/p>\r\n

Ajay immediately noticed an insane drop in energy levels. The main battery plummeted deep into the red. Emergency lights started flashing in the control room.<\/p>\r\n

\r\n

“HELP. LOW BATTERY!”<\/strong>
(flashing in full caps, just in case someone \u2014 anyone \u2014 might take it seriously)<\/p>\r\n<\/blockquote>\r\n

Bob noticed the lights starting to flicker. Ajay hovered over the emergency button \u2014 hand trembling, ready to trigger a full shutdown. Another step, and the factory would\u2019ve gone dark. Total blackout. Probably followed by a Kernel Panic.<\/p>\r\n

But he didn\u2019t press it.<\/p>\r\n

Jill intervened.<\/p>\r\n

And that\u2019s when I knew. This wasn\u2019t a meltdown. This wasn\u2019t panic.<\/p>\r\n

This was my system going:<\/p>\r\n

\u201cEnough.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\r\n

So Bob and I walked into the control room. No fanfare. No yelling. Just one final memo, posted on the internal board:<\/p>\r\n

\r\n

\u201cUnworkable. I\u2019m out.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\r\n<\/blockquote>\r\n

I decided to quit entirely. To stop investing energy into something that had stopped returning anything meaningful.<\/p>\r\n

And that\u2026 is where Roger comes into the picture.<\/p>\r\n

He\u2019s the guy who now has to walk past every whiteboard, every garbage bin, and every random corner of the factory where memos, pastel-colored post-its, and the occasional helium-filled balloon about this topic are still floating around.<\/p>\r\n

Cleanup time.<\/p>\r\n

Sorry, Roger.<\/p>\r\n

Again. \ud83d\ude1b<\/p>\r\n

And honestly? This decision feels good. And strangely enough \u2014 this decision doesn\u2019t feel heavy.<\/p>\r\n

It feels\u2026<\/p>\r\n

uhh efficient?!<\/p>\r\n

Brain out!<\/p>\r\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cVolunteering should give you energy, not drain your battery\u201d Volunteering is supposed to be good for the soul. Build community. Give meaning. Do things together with a common goal. You know \u2014 that whole \u201cdo good, feel good\u201d thing. And you know, volunteering should give you energy, not drain your battery. Sounds plausible, right? Hmm….<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":284,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[157,124],"tags":[131,147,172,173,171],"class_list":["post-272","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-brain-factory-tm","category-rant","tag-autistic-perspective","tag-brain-factory","tag-internal-metaphors","tag-roger-wilco","tag-volunteer-burnout"],"yoast_head":"\nThe Day My Brain Resigned from Volunteering - Brain's Ramblings<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Hmm. \u201cVolunteering should give you energy, not drain your battery\u201d \u2014 that is a brilliant quote to print on a T-shirt or a large coffee mug!\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.familie-kleinman.nl\/brain\/index.php\/2025\/05\/09\/the-day-my-brain-resigned-from-volunteering\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The Day My Brain Resigned from Volunteering - 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