{"id":480,"date":"2025-09-01T22:05:10","date_gmt":"2025-09-01T20:05:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.familie-kleinman.nl\/brain\/?p=480"},"modified":"2025-09-02T08:49:25","modified_gmt":"2025-09-02T06:49:25","slug":"high-maintenance-dating-hard-pass","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.familie-kleinman.nl\/brain\/index.php\/2025\/09\/01\/high-maintenance-dating-hard-pass\/","title":{"rendered":"High-Maintenance Dating? Hard Pass!"},"content":{"rendered":"<p data-start=\"233\" data-end=\"451\">Recently the YouTube algorithm decided I needed clips from @Taylor the Fiend, @Emilywking, and @The_Modern_King in my life.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"233\" data-end=\"451\">I have no idea why \u2014 but it led me straight down a rabbit hole of WTFs and other emotions.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"233\" data-end=\"451\">Apparently, some women out there have a checklist as if they\u2019re worth the entire world.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"233\" data-end=\"451\">Men should be: young, fit, not overweight, earning at least six figures, with a luxury watch, a flashy car, and preferably showing up with a 100k engagement ring.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"233\" data-end=\"451\">Here\u2019s the irony: on paper, I probably check most, if not all, of those boxes.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li data-start=\"233\" data-end=\"451\">I make over \u20ac100k a year (more in dollars \u2014 and if I did my exact job in the US, it\u2019d probably be considerably higher).\n<ul>\n<li data-start=\"233\" data-end=\"451\">Steady job: Check!<\/li>\n<li data-start=\"233\" data-end=\"451\">Own company: Check!<\/li>\n<li data-start=\"233\" data-end=\"451\">Co-founder of a tech startup: Check!<\/li>\n<li data-start=\"233\" data-end=\"451\">And no, I\u2019m not making half a million or more like some of these women have set as the <em data-start=\"374\" data-end=\"384\">minimum.<\/em> (<em data-start=\"386\" data-end=\"457\">Delusion 101 \u2014 check the <a class=\"decorated-link\" href=\"https:\/\/delusionmeter.com\/?utm_source=chatgpt.com\" target=\"_new\" rel=\"noopener\" data-start=\"412\" data-end=\"455\">Delusionmeter<\/a><\/em> )<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<li data-start=\"233\" data-end=\"451\">I\u2019m 48, so yeah, just within the default age bracket of <a href=\"https:\/\/delusionmeter.com\">https:\/\/delusionmeter.com<\/a><\/li>\n<li data-start=\"233\" data-end=\"451\">Not obese anymore \u2014 on my way to Reacher status (see the boring part below), hitting the gym consistently three times a week or more.<\/li>\n<li data-start=\"233\" data-end=\"451\">Well, I\u2019m 192 cm \u2014 that\u2019s a little over 6\u20193\u201d for the metric-challenged. \ud83d\ude42<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>So technically I might qualify as one of your unicorns. Which makes it even funnier that I wouldn\u2019t date any of these mentioned women \u2014 even if you would pay me.<\/p>\n<p>Why?<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"133\" data-end=\"328\">Because what they call \u201cvalue\u201d is confusing the value of a person with a currency. They confuse status with character, and they confuse \u201chigh maintenance\u201d with \u2014 again \u2014 \u201chigh value as a person.\u201d<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"133\" data-end=\"328\">These women are basically comparing a man to a walking ATM while bringing almost nothing to the table of the relationship.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"133\" data-end=\"328\">Oh, and I can almost hear these women scream right now at the screen: <em data-start=\"396\" data-end=\"466\">\u201cI\u2019d never date you, you\u2019re ugly, and autistic, and yada yada yada\u2026\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<p data-start=\"133\" data-end=\"328\">My answer would be: try doing some introspection and see if there\u2019s at least a grain of truth in this rant.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"133\" data-end=\"328\">And just to make it clear: several of my friends would probably fit the unicorn model as well (c)(r)(tm) \u2014 and I\u2019m pretty sure they would say the exact same thing!<\/p>\n<h2>Exhibit A: The Demands<\/h2>\n<p>I\u2019ve seen quite a few of these clips \u2014 and the demands are outrageous, and in some cases even insane.<\/p>\n<p><strong data-start=\"1370\" data-end=\"1414\">Three-star restaurant on the first date.<\/strong> WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. What is wrong with coffee on the beach, a walk, or a movie? Intent matters more than location <em data-start=\"348\" data-end=\"368\">and the price tag<\/em>. That tells me more about you than a gold-plated menu ever will.<\/p>\n<p>Oh and spoiler alert: I\u2019ve never been to a 3-star restaurant. Hell, not even a 1-star. The one \u201cposh\u201d place I did go to served <em data-start=\"1726\" data-end=\"1758\">duck liver p\u00e2t\u00e9 with chocolate<\/em> (yes, really). We went home hungry. I\u2019d rather eat in a place with good food than leave starving just so you can flex the menu.<\/p>\n<p><strong data-start=\"1890\" data-end=\"1919\">The 100k engagement ring.<\/strong> If the size of the stone is all that matters, the story ends badly. Every time. And again \u2014 it\u2019s the intent that matters! Not how expensive the ring is.<\/p>\n<p>Don\u2019t believe me, check this clip! <a class=\"decorated-link\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/shorts\/-zSNZHKl2SE?utm_source=chatgpt.com\" target=\"_new\" rel=\"noopener\" data-start=\"2095\" data-end=\"2137\">https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/shorts\/-zSNZHKl2SE<\/a><\/p>\n<p data-start=\"2077\" data-end=\"2337\">There are hundreds of videos like this online. <em data-start=\"2187\" data-end=\"2222\">\u201cTen times my salary or nothing!\u201d<\/em> Okay\u2026 then you\u2019ll simply never get proposed to, because it would take 20\u201330 years to save up that kind of money.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"2077\" data-end=\"2337\"><strong data-start=\"2339\" data-end=\"2364\">The watch inspection.<\/strong> \u201cNo Rolex, only Patek.\u201d Really? My Polar Grit X2 was the most expensive watch I ever bought \u2014 and at least it tracks my heart rate. A Patek only tracks stupidity.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"2077\" data-end=\"2337\">Why would I ever wear a watch worth that much money?<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"461\" data-end=\"495\">Do I think I\u2019m \u201cworth\u201d it?<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"461\" data-end=\"495\">Yeah.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"461\" data-end=\"495\">Is it practical?<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"461\" data-end=\"495\">Nope.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"461\" data-end=\"495\">Can\u2019t wear it in the gym, in the garden, or in the office.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"461\" data-end=\"495\">So when exactly would I wear it? And I\u2019d need a safe just to store it. Not to mention being scared all the time of the thing getting dirty or scratched.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"461\" data-end=\"495\">So is it sane? Eh\u2026 no. I\u2019d rather spend my money on something useful.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"2077\" data-end=\"2337\"><strong data-start=\"2774\" data-end=\"2792\">The car sneer.<\/strong> Guy shows up with a three-year-old car, and she\u2019s already rolling her eyes. Newsflash: three years old is newer than half the world will ever own. You don\u2019t want a partner, you want a car lease contract.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"417\" data-end=\"538\">And what if I show up in a 10-year-old car that\u2019s clean and well maintained, while I\u2019m wealthy enough to buy a new one?<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"417\" data-end=\"538\">When did the age of the car become important\u2026?<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"2077\" data-end=\"2337\"><strong>A car is a tool, nothing more!<\/strong><\/p>\n<p data-start=\"3110\" data-end=\"3288\"><strong data-start=\"3110\" data-end=\"3134\">The \u201cwhat if\u201d traps.<\/strong> \u201cWhat if you were stuck in a room with 100 gorgeous women?\u201d Whatever you answer, it\u2019s wrong. That\u2019s not love, that\u2019s manufactured drama.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"3110\" data-end=\"3288\">WHY!?<\/p>\n<h2 data-start=\"3110\" data-end=\"3288\">Exhibit B: The Contradictions<\/h2>\n<p data-start=\"3110\" data-end=\"3288\"><strong data-start=\"3650\" data-end=\"3666\">Lose my job?<\/strong> You\u2019re gone? That\u2019s not <em data-start=\"3691\" data-end=\"3718\">in sickness and in health<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"3110\" data-end=\"3288\"><strong>That\u2019s until the money runs out.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p data-start=\"3110\" data-end=\"3288\"><strong data-start=\"3758\" data-end=\"3778\">Cooking protest.<\/strong> Refuse to ever cook because \u201che can do it himself\u201d? Cooking shouldn\u2019t be a manifesto. If I\u2019m home first, I cook. If you\u2019re home first, you cook. Or we cook together. Pragmatic. Simple. Equal.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"3110\" data-end=\"3288\">Because when you love each other, you don\u2019t need manifestos \u2014 either of the two just does the damn cooking. Nothing more, nothing less. Because you need to eat, and because you care about the other person in your relationship.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"3110\" data-end=\"3288\">And yes, I <em data-start=\"573\" data-end=\"578\">can<\/em> cook. Matter of fact: I made dinner this evening. And no, I didn\u2019t order takeout. \ud83d\ude1b<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"3758\" data-end=\"4115\">Don\u2019t believe me this happens? Check this: <a class=\"decorated-link\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/shorts\/GY1XMY7Aouc?utm_source=chatgpt.com\" target=\"_new\" rel=\"noopener\" data-start=\"4071\" data-end=\"4113\">https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/shorts\/GY1XMY7Aouc<\/a><\/p>\n<p data-start=\"3758\" data-end=\"4115\">And off-topic: I clean the toilets, including the ones from our cats. I do the laundry, dishwasher duty, hoover the house \u2014 just like any other normal and sane adult would do.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"3758\" data-end=\"4115\"><strong data-start=\"4117\" data-end=\"4162\">Complain that the relationship is boring?<\/strong> Guess what \u2014 real life is supposed to be stable sometimes. If stability feels like boredom, you\u2019re addicted to chaos, not love.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"3758\" data-end=\"4115\">She actually says it! Don&#8217;t believe me, check this: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/shorts\/NLxxHbhj1ss\">https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/shorts\/NLxxHbhj1ss<\/a><\/p>\n<h3 data-start=\"3758\" data-end=\"4115\">Now back to reality<\/h3>\n<p>A relationship will be boring at some point. Hell, let\u2019s be fair upfront \u2014 I\u2019m boring as fuck!<\/p>\n<p>And off-topic: I did my fair share of crazy shit. Bungee jumping, catapulting, lasertag (I even participated in several European and World Championships), festivals, LAN parties, you name it. I\u2019ve had my wild days. Now I actually enjoy the peace.<\/p>\n<p>And that peace doesn\u2019t mean I\u2019m done doing crazy stuff altogether. A parachute jump is still high up on my bucket list.<\/p>\n<h4>Our routine<\/h4>\n<p data-start=\"5519\" data-end=\"5728\"><strong data-start=\"5519\" data-end=\"5546\">Monday, Tuesday, Friday<\/strong><br data-start=\"5546\" data-end=\"5549\" \/>06:30 \u2014 up<br data-start=\"5559\" data-end=\"5562\" \/>07:00 \u2014 work<br data-start=\"5574\" data-end=\"5577\" \/>16:00 \u2014 home<br data-start=\"5589\" data-end=\"5592\" \/>16:30 \u2014 gym<br data-start=\"5603\" data-end=\"5606\" \/>17:45 \u2014 home<br data-start=\"5618\" data-end=\"5621\" \/>18:30 \u2014 cook (together)<br data-start=\"5644\" data-end=\"5647\" \/>19:00 \u2014 dinner<br data-start=\"5661\" data-end=\"5664\" \/>20:00 \u2014 something together (garden, friends, TV)<br data-start=\"5712\" data-end=\"5715\" \/>22:00 \u2014 bed<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"5730\" data-end=\"5989\"><strong data-start=\"5730\" data-end=\"5753\">Wednesday, Thursday<\/strong><br data-start=\"5753\" data-end=\"5756\" \/>05:30 \u2014 up<br data-start=\"5766\" data-end=\"5769\" \/>06:00 \u2014 drive to work (<em data-start=\"5792\" data-end=\"5808\">audiobooks FTW<\/em>)<br data-start=\"5809\" data-end=\"5812\" \/>07:15 \u2014 work<br data-start=\"5824\" data-end=\"5827\" \/>16:15 \u2014 drive home (<em data-start=\"5847\" data-end=\"5863\">audiobooks FTW<\/em>)<br data-start=\"5864\" data-end=\"5867\" \/>17:30 \u2014 home<br data-start=\"5879\" data-end=\"5882\" \/>18:30 \u2014 cook (together)<br data-start=\"5905\" data-end=\"5908\" \/>19:00 \u2014 dinner<br data-start=\"5922\" data-end=\"5925\" \/>20:00 \u2014 something together (garden, friends, TV)<br data-start=\"5973\" data-end=\"5976\" \/>22:00 \u2014 bed<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"5991\" data-end=\"6105\"><strong data-start=\"5991\" data-end=\"6004\">Weekends?<\/strong> Sleep a little more, do some work, research, learn something, maybe hit the gym, do something fun together ( spa, movie, dinner, friends ), clean the house, maybe something random.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"5991\" data-end=\"6105\">Then repeat.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"5991\" data-end=\"6105\">Welcome to the real world.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"5991\" data-end=\"6105\">Stability.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"5991\" data-end=\"6105\">Consistency.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"5991\" data-end=\"6105\">Call it boring if you want \u2014 but this is how you actually build something.<\/p>\n<h2 data-start=\"5991\" data-end=\"6105\">The \u201cEmotionally Available\u201d Trap<\/h2>\n<p data-start=\"5991\" data-end=\"6105\">And of course, the classic: a man must be <em data-start=\"4381\" data-end=\"4407\">\u201cemotionally available.\u201d<\/em> Whatever the hell that means.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"5991\" data-end=\"6105\">If you\u2019d ask me, it translates to: <em data-start=\"362\" data-end=\"435\">show the emotions I want, when I want them, but never the ones I don\u2019t.<\/em><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li data-start=\"5991\" data-end=\"6105\">So if I stay calm? I\u2019m cold.<\/li>\n<li data-start=\"5991\" data-end=\"6105\">If I get angry? I\u2019m toxic.<\/li>\n<li data-start=\"5991\" data-end=\"6105\">If I share my doubts? I\u2019m weak.<\/li>\n<li data-start=\"5991\" data-end=\"6105\">Basically: whatever I would do or say\u2026 it\u2019s wrong. Again, moving goal posts constantly.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>The AI definition of &#8220;Emotionally available&#8221; is even more interesting<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>&#8220;Being emotionally available means being open, present, and willing to share and receive emotions in a healthy way within a relationship, fostering deeper connections and trust. Key aspects include expressing your own feelings, actively listening and empathizing with others, accepting vulnerability, taking responsibility for your emotions, and establishing clear boundaries&#8221;<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p data-start=\"706\" data-end=\"918\">And yet, the very women screaming they want an emotionally available man are often the ones least willing to practice those things themselves. They demand from men what they can\u2019t (or won\u2019t) bring to the emotional table.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"920\" data-end=\"946\">Ohh, the irony, the irony. \ud83d\ude1b<\/p>\n<h2 data-start=\"920\" data-end=\"946\">Hints<\/h2>\n<p data-start=\"4678\" data-end=\"4949\">And then the bonus round: vague hints men are supposed to magically pick up.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"4678\" data-end=\"4949\">When I ask you once, you deny anything\u2019s wrong. If I ask twice, still nothing.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"4678\" data-end=\"4949\">But if I don\u2019t ask a third time? Suddenly I failed the test, because you would have \u201cfinally\u201d admitted it then.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"4678\" data-end=\"4949\">Jesus. That\u2019s not emotional availability.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s a demand for <strong data-start=\"912\" data-end=\"937\">telepathy superpowers<\/strong> and a need for <strong data-start=\"953\" data-end=\"973\">permanent drama.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Did I mention shifting goal posts already?<\/p>\n<h2>Misogyny? Nope.<\/h2>\n<p>I don\u2019t hate women. I detest entitled behavior \u2014 in both women and men.<\/p>\n<p>Call it whatever you want, but \u201cmisogyny\u201d doesn\u2019t even make sense here. I share my life with my wife, we do everything together, and I\u2019ve made it very clear: I hate dishonesty, arrogance and entitlement. Not gender.<\/p>\n<h2 data-start=\"4678\" data-end=\"4949\">The Labels: Alpha, Beta, Sigma<\/h2>\n<p data-start=\"4678\" data-end=\"4949\">And technically? Fine, call me beta. Or maybe even sigma, because I see through the whole game and want no part of it.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"4678\" data-end=\"4949\">Lucky for me, I\u2019m happily married.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"4678\" data-end=\"4949\">But if that ever collapsed?<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"4678\" data-end=\"4949\">Forget it.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"4678\" data-end=\"4949\">I\u2019d never date again.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"4678\" data-end=\"4949\">Not worth the circus.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"4678\" data-end=\"4949\">(And at least I\u2019m not auditioning for <em data-start=\"412\" data-end=\"424\">Alpha Idol<\/em> \u2014 or \u201cSuperChad.\u201d)<\/p>\n<h2 data-start=\"6289\" data-end=\"6397\">Delusional<\/h2>\n<p data-start=\"6289\" data-end=\"6397\">Because spoiler: the kind of man these women are chasing? 90% of them are chasing after only a handful of men. And most of those men are already happily married \u2014 and want nothing to do with all the fuss and drama.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"6289\" data-end=\"6397\">Still don\u2019t believe those low numbers? Check for yourself: <a class=\"decorated-link\" href=\"https:\/\/delusionmeter.com\/?utm_source=chatgpt.com\" target=\"_new\" rel=\"noopener\" data-start=\"6448\" data-end=\"6474\">https:\/\/delusionmeter.com\/<\/a><\/p>\n<h2 data-start=\"6841\" data-end=\"6857\">And to the guys<\/h2>\n<blockquote><p>Yes, the &#8220;other&#8221; gender is basically doing the exact same thing..<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>Septum piercing theory?<\/p>\n<p>Seriously?<\/p>\n<p>Holy hell.<\/p>\n<p>Generalization much?<\/p>\n<p>You see a nose ring and suddenly you\u2019ve solved her entire personality? Come on. That\u2019s the same shallow crap I\u2019m ranting against here \u2014 just in a different costume.<\/p>\n<p>Not every woman with a septum piercing is a \u201cwalking red flag,\u201d just like not every man with a three-year-old car is broke.<\/p>\n<p>Stop feeding the meme machine.<\/p>\n<p>This is just one example. If I would dig a bit further, I could easily write a rant of the same length about men with insane demands. Different words, same circus.<\/p>\n<h2>Social media<\/h2>\n<p data-start=\"212\" data-end=\"376\">And then the elephant in the room. Why, oh why, are both sides recording themselves trying to give advice to other men <em data-start=\"331\" data-end=\"339\">and\/or<\/em> women (delete what doesn\u2019t apply)?<\/p>\n<p>Ever heard of social media algorithms? Basically, once you post this shit, you will actually SEE more of the same shit \u2014 re-enforcing your own drama, and those of others. Which means your \u2014 and everyone who\u2019s in the same rabbit hole (<em data-start=\"590\" data-end=\"612\">Alice wants it back!<\/em>) \u2014 whole drama becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.<\/p>\n<p>Congratulations \u2014 you gamed yourself, male or female.<\/p>\n<p>Got that off my chest \u2014 which is sore, by the way\u2026 GYM FTW!<\/p>\n<p><strong data-start=\"339\" data-end=\"356\">Note to self:<\/strong> why am I even responding to this nonsense? Me responding makes me part of the issue too. OOPS! GUILTY!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Brain out!<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong data-start=\"206\" data-end=\"213\">PS.<\/strong> If this rant somehow goes viral and gets picked up by YouTube, Reddit threads, or Slashdot \u2014 please, don\u2019t email me for dates or your insults \ud83d\ude1b<\/p>\n<p>See paragraph 27.2.1.6.5 section 24b where I clearly said I\u2019d rather save my peace and quiet \ud83d\ude1b<\/p>\n<h4>paragraph 27.2.1.6.5<\/h4>\n<h5>Section 24b<\/h5>\n<p data-start=\"226\" data-end=\"350\">Yes, this actually is the mentioned paragraph and section.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"226\" data-end=\"350\">This blogpost is a rant, please do not take it too seriously.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"226\" data-end=\"350\">And yes: don\u2019t email me for dates or for your insults. I\u2019d rather save my peace and quiet.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"226\" data-end=\"350\">Seriously, both would probably end up in <strong data-start=\"445\" data-end=\"458\">\/dev\/null<\/strong> anyway.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"226\" data-end=\"350\">Again.. Brain out!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Recently the YouTube algorithm decided I needed clips from @Taylor the Fiend, @Emilywking, and @The_Modern_King in my life. I have no idea why \u2014 but it led me straight down a rabbit hole of WTFs and other emotions. Apparently, some women out there have a checklist as if they\u2019re worth the entire world. Men should&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[124],"tags":[290,295,292,293,296,51,291,294],"class_list":["post-480","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-rant","tag-dating","tag-delusion-meter","tag-high-maintenance","tag-men-vs-women","tag-modern-dating","tag-rant","tag-relationships","tag-social-media"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.5 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>High-Maintenance Dating? Hard Pass! - Brain&#039;s Ramblings<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"A brutally honest rant about high-maintenance dating demands \u2014 from 3-star restaurants and $100k rings to emotional availability traps. 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