Today, April 2nd, 2025, is International Autism Awareness Day.

Seemed like the perfect time to publish this. Though honestly — that has more to do with coincidence than planning on my part. 😛 And hey, that’s actually a pretty great teaser to kick off this blogpost. Hehe.

The current estimate is that around 1% of the world’s population is on the autism spectrum (ASD). Interestingly, studies suggest that the ratio between men and women on the spectrum is approximately 3:1 to 4:1 — meaning that for every three or four men diagnosed with autism, there is typically only one woman who receives the same diagnosis.

This statistical imbalance doesn’t mean autism is less common among women — just that it often presents differently, and is more likely to go undiagnosed. In my case, as a man, I still slipped under the radar for years… And as you might have guessed by now — I’m on the spectrum too. Before DSM-5, it was called Asperger’s Syndrome. Now it’s just ASD. Same me, different label.

I got my official diagnosis in 2014. But truth be told, I had already found myself in the description at least a decade earlier. Wikipedia had me figured out before the professionals did.

Career?

But hey, isn’t it dangerous to let the whole world know you’re on the spectrum? That could impact your career!!

Yes. I have thought about that. Long and hard.

I even started an anonymous blog about my autism during the COVID pandemic, but that blog didn’t feel right.

So I’m doing it again — this time, out in the open.

And besides, my family knows, my friends know, my coworkers know, my manager knows, most of the people I work with already know my diagnosis and they don’t care. And — equally important — they don’t treat me any differently.

So is putting it out here for everyone to see really that different?

There are still far too many misconceptions about autism. Too many labels. Too many assumptions. Too many people making quiet calculations in meetings about whether or not they should ever tell.

And let’s be honest — the prevalence of autism in IT is probably much higher than the official estimates I mentioned earlier. Unfortunately, there is no hard data about the matter.

It’s starting to feel like a neurodivergent version of the Fermi Paradox.

If we’re truly that common in IT — where is everybody?

Is it indeed the fear of career consequences? And if I am being honest. That fear almost stopped me too. But I’ve decided it’s time to speak up.

So here’s my side of the story. Because if someone like me — working, functioning, building, reflecting — doesn’t speak up, then who will? My hope is that more people will feel the freedom to come out in the open.

And no, I’m not Rainman. I can’t do seven-digit multiplications in my head. But yes — my brain works differently than someone who’s considered “neurotypical”. But what is neurotypical anyway? Does anyone actually have the answer? Because I don’t.

Me

Can you tell something about yourself?

A minor teaser into how I perceive my autism: I’m almost completely blind to non-verbal communication. You know — that 90% of information that’s supposedly conveyed through body language, facial expressions, subtle cues.

Yeah… that part?

Mostly lost on me.

So if I ever missed your wink, your smirk, your flirt, or that subtle eye-roll… I wasn’t being rude. I just didn’t see it — or didn’t recognize it. 😛 Oops!

Another example? Communication training involving roleplay. Let me tell you.. The proverbial hell on earth! Especially when you have to watch your own “performance” back, because everything was recorded!! Oh my god, what is the trainer trying to convey, what does that gesture mean, is that a raised eyebrow? Is she annoyed? HELP!

But I found a solution that is more or less working. And as you might have expected… It’s a very complex script I programmed myself that runs on top, in usermode, on a different OS compared to neurotypical OS’es.

Currently I’m at version 0.48.04.02beta. The versioning itself is a good segue to another blogpost 🙂 But the thing is: Communication doesn’t come naturally. I actually have to think about it. I have to parse its contents. It’s like receiving non-verbal input in an unsupported file format — and having to run it through a custom-built decoder before I understand what’s going on.

Or explained to non-tech people (well, most of you): Non-verbal communication comes naturally. For me, it’s an academic study — repeated every single day.

And the funny thing is, when my elaborate script runs out of options, the debugger kicks into action or triggers an exception I will probably say something weird, stupid or inappropriate for that moment.

Yep, I had my fair share of awkward moments.

And that is another segue for a complete blog series I have in mind.

Kernel panic! A simple conversation killed some kind of internal process!!

The debugger is trying to find out which one!

Work

Does your autism affect your work?

In fact, I believe that the way my brain is wired is exactly why I’m so good at my job.

My brain excels at spotting patterns, identifying seemingly unrelated links between events, and recognizing echoes of problems I’ve encountered before. It’s like I run on a parallel operating system — one that’s especially good at connecting the dots that others don’t even realize are there.

And where my brain sometimes needs throttling when it comes to (non-)verbal communication, it thrives when processing work-related data. Or even better: it excels when handling large volumes of it.

And the processing doesn’t stop when the working day is over. It continues while I’m driving, while I’m eating, and even when I’m asleep. That process runs 24/7 — and often returns results at the most unexpected moments. While I’m on the toilet. Taking a shower. Or occasionally even in the middle of the night (though thankfully, that doesn’t happen too often). 😛

So yeah — where my proverbial Central Processing Unit (CPU) struggles with one stream of data that overloads the internal bus, the other stream has a 512-bit lane wired straight into the core of my system.

Imagine running a custom Linux kernel on a CPU that was never built for casual conversation.

It’s optimized for performance, pattern recognition and uptime — not built for small talk, eye contact, or figuring out if someone just raised an eyebrow in annoyance.

Communication

But can you communicate verbally?

Yes, I can!

There’s a common misconception that autistic people can’t speak or communicate verbally. And while that’s true for some, it’s absolutely not the case for all.

I can hold a conversation — even small talk — explain complex concepts, give courses, help and guide new interns, and present in front of a room full of people without a problem. The thing is: it takes effort.

Real-time verbal interaction is like live-coding in an unfamiliar language. I can do it — but I’m constantly translating, parsing, and keeping track of nuance, tone, timing…. all while trying not to crash or overload the system. And on top of all that, I try to look them in the eye, nod occasionally, and act like everything is perfectly natural — just to be perceived as normal.

It’s like juggling 20 balls at the same time. And if I drop one? People don’t see the 19 I kept in the air. They just notice the one I dropped. Yikes!

So yes, I can speak. I can communicate. I just run a lot of background processes to make it all happen.

And yes — as a Dutch guy, I can (and will) be extremely honest. That honesty is sometimes perceived as blunt or even rude. But most of the time, I’m just being direct — not disrespectful.

Probably no career path for me in (Dutch) politics — although my directness might actually be refreshing. Hehe. 🙂

Personally

I’ve realized that I don’t really care anymore how the world views me and my autism. I’m finally at a point where I’ve fully accepted who I am — and what my autism brings me. It can be a burden, sure. But also a huge gift.

I’m me, and that is the package you will have to deal with 🙂

Expect more posts from me about my autism in the near future.

Yeah — this is just the beginning. More on autism, awkward moments, and kernel panics soon.

Whether you’re on the spectrum or not — if you have a question, want to comment, or feel like sharing something: feel free to reach out!

Brain out.