Apparently, ‘We have a deal’ translates to ‘Let’s confuse the system’
Another story in the Kernel Panic series — once again set in my early youth. I still remember it clearly: it was late spring or early summer. I can recall the weather, the clothes I was wearing, and everything around me.
An important detail: I was either four or five years old — I don’t remember the exact year. And even though this is labeled Kernel Panic #2, it might as well have been the very first one.
I remember it was just after dinner. A relative was visiting, and she suggested taking a short walk to the local hertenkamp. I’m sorry — I don’t really have a better word for it in English. It’s a fenced enclosure with animals. The walk was short, maybe 10 to 15 minutes from our house. An important part of this story is that halfway there, there’s a small canal you have to walk along.
During the walk — just the two of us — we reached the canal. I still remember asking if we could walk on one side of it on the way there, and then take the other side on the way back. And I clearly remember her saying, “Yes, that’s okay.”
We got to the animals, stayed there for a bit, and then started the walk back home. When we reached the canal again, I crossed over to the other side — just like we’d agreed. But my companion got upset. She told me she wanted to walk back on the same side we used earlier.
I was a bit stubborn and said, “A promise is a promise.” Like I said, I got stubborn and stayed on the other side of the canal. When we reached the end of it, she looked at me and said, “You’re in trouble.”
When we got home, she told the story to my parents. I was under the impression that I was right — because a promise is a promise, right?
My parents looked at me. I tried to explain — it didn’t help.
I got punished and was sent to bed.
And then… nothing.
I remember her words. I remember my parents’ faces. I remember trying to explain.
But after that?
No memory of the stairs. No memory of brushing my teeth. No memory of crawling into bed.
It’s like the factory just stopped recording. For autistic people, sticking to rules and promises isn’t just important — it’s how the system stays stable.
And clearly, this event caused a short circuit.
So that’s it. Another Kernel Panic. Another complete system shutdown — etched into memory level -2, never to be forgotten.
Am I mad or sad about it?
No. It is what it is.
Nobody can change the past, and we still haven’t invented a time machine.
Besides, you could say this event became input for a bigger lesson:
A rule isn’t always a rule. A promise isn’t always a promise.
Brain out!
[ SYSTEM LOG – MEMORY DUMP ] > Event ID: KP-0002 > Agreement confirmed > Execution: successful > Response: ERROR > Emotion: ??? > Status: Archived (Level -2 – WORM storage)