Grey is wrong, black and white are good (for no apparent reason).
On the upper level, where my CEO Bob resides — hey Bob! — there is a critical filing cabinet labeled “Complex Ethical Stuff.” The very first file was actually discovered by my Janitor — hey Roger! — but he deemed it far too important to keep or thrown in the incinerator. So up it went to Bob, to be handled with care.
Bob doesn’t get many of these files. Most of my daily life never makes it into this cabinet. But when something does… it usually means trouble — and the expenditure of a lot of CPU cycles.
The cause
The first file was handed over to Bob when I was about 16 or 17. That was the first time I became aware of this type of file. Maybe there are older ones, but to be honest, I think those were labeled as kernel panics.
We had to write an essay that would be peer-reviewed by classmates, and we could choose any subject. At the time, there was quite a lot of nuisance caused by a group of older men near our local library. I decided to write down some of my observations about that in my essay.
The group of men happened to belong to a particular ethnic background. In my essay, I wrote that it seemed harder for the local police to take action against them, and that a group of Dutch men in the same situation would probably have been treated differently. I tried to explain why, weighing the pros and cons from both sides, and noting the presence of an atmosphere of racism — something the police were clearly eager to avoid.
It is over 30 years ago now, and I can still vividly remember how the whole situation unfolded.
Looking back, I really did my best to be neutral — to take the gray, nuanced position instead of writing from a black-and-white perspective.
That essay did not fare well. When I got my peer reviews back, there was one common thread running through them: “I was a racist.”
And just to be clear: that was never my intention. Not then, not now, not ever. I was simply trying to show how complex the situation was — and that the only right answer would be a nuanced, “grey” one, rather than black or white.
And again, to make it clear: this really stung. Even though none of my classmates ever mentioned it again, it haunted me for months. There were many moments during that period when I wanted to stand up and apologize in front of the class.
The first file
This was when my autism kicked in. But instead of a classic kernel panic, some other process started running. For the first time, I noticed the difference between a simple panic and something else entirely — a new category I would later call “Complex Ethical Stuff.”.
I was on the verge of throwing this file out of the window, but Roger found it. He didn’t toss it into the incinerator either — instead, he handed it over to Bob. Thank you for that, Roger!
Somehow — and definitely not to sound condescending — I realized that in a nuanced situation it depends entirely on the reader: whether they are wearing a pair of white glasses or a pair of black glasses. And only a very few people will ever read the text for what it really is.
Then vs now
This was true 30 years ago — and it feels even more true now in 2025. Just take a look at the current political climate. Look at how President Trump views the world: you are either a friend or an enemy. And if you are an enemy, he will do whatever it takes to push you out of his way by any means necessary.
Or take the rhetoric about the so-called “Leftist Elite.” Again, it is black or white. As if the color grey has been completely outlawed.
And where do I stand? I honestly like the color grey. I’ll take in the view from the “white” standpoint, then make a U-turn and look from the “black” standpoint. But I enjoy being somewhere in between — where the truth probably resides. That’s where I can think through the pros, the cons, the what-ifs. And yes… it’s actually fun to burn some CPU cycles on these matters.
So yes, expect more of these “Complex Ethical Stuff (CES)” stories on this blog.
I’d love to hear your comments.
Brain out.